Have you ever watched elementary kids play on the school playground? You might notice that many of the girls are clustered in small groups sharing stories whereas most of the boys are competing against each other in more active games. As with everything, there are exceptions to those rules. But we do see gender differences in communication starting early on. And the school playground is the perfect example.
Researchers like Deborah Tannen have been studying the differences in gender discourse for many, many years. And while our knowledge about what “gender” means continues to evolve, there are some fundamental differences Tannen has identified in her research. They show us that men and women usually have two different communication goals: connection and status.
Tannen says that most communicators are concerned with these two continuums when they speak. The first is how close or distant they feel from the other people involved. This is interpersonal connection. The second is status. When you understand the different ways men and women typically communicate, it can help you to present in ways that resonate with everyone.
Connection
Tannen says that women have been shown to be more concerned with connection rather than status when they communicate. Many girls are trying to establish who is close and who is far. Think, horizontal line. She says, “girls and women are often sensitive to being left out or pushed away” because this increases the interpersonal distance between them. Because of their desire to establish connection, many women will engage in conversation that helps them identify with the other communicators.
To appeal to the women in your audience, focus on what binds everyone together. Most women will appreciate messages that highlight belonging and group cohesion. Tannen’s research shows that women might respond well to communication in which the speaker makes an effort to display similarities and matching experiences with their audience. In other words, if you want to reach the women in your audience, be vulnerable and relatable. Aim for communication that connects.
Status
On the other end of the gender spectrum, Tannen says that research shows that more men are concerned with status rather than connection. It’s more about competition and establishing hierarchy. Think, vertical line. She says, “boys and men are often sensitive to being put down or pushed around.” They don’t like communication that compromises their status.
To appeal to the men in your audience, highlight what gives them status on the social scale. It might be more information or insight. It might be the power to make a choice they didn’t know they could make. Show them how your presentation increases their status. However, keep in mind that this doesn’t mean that someone has to lose status for someone else to gain it. Instead, deliver presentations which allow everyone equal opportunities to be successful and gain status.
Any time we talk about markers like gender, things can get tricky. But our aim is to categorize for the sake of learning more about ourselves as speakers and understanding our audience better, not to stereotype anyone. Just being aware that there are others who have different communication goals shows us how to create more balanced presentations. Presentations that reach everyone in the audience and which allow everyone to both belong and succeed.
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