Review of Everyone Communicates, Few Connect
For the depraved among us that sit around watching for the demise of influential people, I have some bad news: Everyone Communicates, Few Connect is not John Maxwell’s memoir of apostasy, denouncing a lifetime of values-based leadership. In fact, the latest installment of leadership guidance from the celebrated church and business leader is a continuation of an old theme: leadership is about influence; influence is about connections.
There is more bad news (this time for everybody): apparently, achieving interpersonal connections is not a function of blog optimization and tweet frequency. Supposedly, smart phones cannot perform Maxwell’s connection techniques. We’ll actually have to engage with other people. In an age more or less defined by the rapid elimination of physical barriers to communication, Maxwell points out a troubling little detail: at some point along the way, the message has to justify the medium, and people have to be listening.
What’s Hot
Storytelling existed long before the iPhone 4 and Maxwell relies somewhat heavily on personal anecdote to convey the ideas in the book, rather than emailing you a “Connections” app upon purchase. This is putting his money where his mouth is, but it also reflects a core principle: communication is about content; connection is about how content is received. On a macro-level, most of us are aware that an individual’s affect influences the way information is perceived. In Everyone Communicates, Few Connect, Maxwell exhorts leaders to be more mindful of how they prime their audience. And no, the answer is not with swag. You may think that’s a joke, but a common mistake among communicators is misidentifying the motivations of an audience, a foible that often yields less—rather than more—influence with intended recipients.
What’s Not
If not overtly guilty of redundancy, Maxwell teeters on the edge at times. The book’s purpose is clear from page one, making it easy to follow and on par with Maxwell’s other titles, but in the middle the message languishes a bit before coming to its conclusion.
The Bottom Line
In truth, the message is strikingly similar to Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. Effectiveness is not reach, but a mixture of empathy, sincerity, and direction. This is to Maxwell’s credit: Dale Carnegie wrote to an audience suffused with…printed media and telephones. Today, the unscrupulous leader wields tools of devastating reach: social media has made it easy for millions to wave a hefty club at millions of so-called listeners. We could use the update.
Everyone Communicates, Few Connect is Maxwell’s voice of reason, imploring any who care to distance themselves from the ephemera of daily futility and enter a realm of true, lasting influence over actual, living human beings. We communicate more than ever before, but connections are what we crave. Maxwell wisely notes that leaders providing meaningful connections will be the ones that master their messages; all others will drown in a sea of tweets.
I am giving away 5 free copies of Everyone Communicates, Few Connect signed by John Maxwell himself. Leave a comment about your connection exploits for your chance to receive a copy.
Tags: Reviews
June 15th, 2010 at 8:19 am
Connecting is a term often used in our churches. We want people to make those connections that will allow them to feel more social and a part of the church. I have come to think however, our job as a church isn’t about connecting people to one another so much as connecting them to Christ. It’s hard to change that mindset though!
June 15th, 2010 at 8:22 am
Thanks for the review. Its a great reminder that a message sender (speaker, writer, etc) needs to understand that the message receiver has to be motivated in order to effectively recieve the message. It takes effort and intention at both ends of the loop, as it were. And the more empathetic the message sender is (with) the receiver, the greater the chance that he or she will deliver their message in the best way to have it heard. Sounds so simple, but it appears to be quite difficult! Thanks again.
June 15th, 2010 at 8:50 am
This strikes me as similar to the distinction between friends and acquaintances. With acquaintances I may be satisfied with talking about the weather, but with friends I have genuine conversations at a much deeper level, and make an effort to do so. When I’m presenting, I strive to have a genuine dialog and conversation with a few key people in the audience with whom I want to connect. The spillover benefit with the entire audience generally makes for a much better presentation.
June 15th, 2010 at 8:55 am
Thanks for a great review. I recently tried to give away a free book on my blog by having people re-tweet my tweet but quickly found out that I was less connected than I though
I managed to give the book away in the end.
June 15th, 2010 at 4:24 pm
The title alone intrigues, especially in a corporate culture where "information dumps" are ubiquitous.
Living in NYC where often people move about heads down and determinedly avoiding connection, I once was entering a restaurant on the Upper West Side of Manhattan when a large procession of family members (12 or so) happened to be exiting. Recognizing them to all be together I chose to serve as a temporary doorman, holding the door open for each family member as they exited announcing to each enthusiastically, while smiling broadly, "Thank you for coming, have a great evening!" Toward the end of the procession was a boy among them I'd guess to be about 3-years-old. Having witnessed my gesture to his family, when it was his turn to exit he showed his appreciation by running right into my legs and wrapping his little arms around both of them at just below knee level, and then looking up with a big smile he simply said, "thank you, Mister!" Talk about a connection. He made my week!
June 15th, 2010 at 5:15 pm
As a teacher/presenter, I can hand out information and give assignments with the best of them. But I'm working this summer on finding ways to engage my students and really connect with them. This book would be a great tool.
I'm also looking forward to your book, Scott….teahers give the worst presentations. I've been training teachers and students to get rid of templates and bullet points and to tell stories, but buy in can be very frustrating.
June 15th, 2010 at 6:02 pm
Connection: When you care enough to really listen to another person and figure out if you can help them with something. Works in both business relationships and in your personal life. Doing it face to face is awesome and can lead to satisfaction for both parties.
OK, if I get a copy of the book I can see if I'm close to what John Maxwell thinks…
June 15th, 2010 at 6:02 pm
Just read "Ideas That Stick" by Chip and Dan Heath and sounds like this would make a good follow up. The principles of good communication and storytelling are so important for presentation design and delivery. Thanks for the review!
June 15th, 2010 at 6:05 pm
I was drawn to the title of this book because of our church's mission statement, "Connecting people to Christ and equipping them for life." We're trying to connect, but I feel like so often we're just communicating. So I'd really love to see what info Maxwell has for us as leaders on this topic. I really want to read it, then I also want to pass along the book to the rest of the leadership at our church and hopefully we can really begin to make a change and really connect people to Christ.
June 15th, 2010 at 11:09 pm
I remember moving to North Carolina (The South) from Pennsylvania (The North) when I was in 9th grade. I thought it was really weird when we went to the grocery store and the checker started talking to us, asking us about our day. Why was this perfect stranger talking to me? Was something wrong with her?
It's so funny how different cultures look at connection and hospitality.
June 16th, 2010 at 6:30 am
With so much ‘communication’ traffic ( Facebook, Twitter, website forums) used by our church to gather,inspire and ‘rally’ our community, this tool (and I’m full of faith that Maxwell has delivered something useable, once again!) is exceedingly timely! I know I have reached what feels like media/information-overload, so am excited and very ready for some ‘real’ wisdom on how to truly reach peoples hearts with the message burning in me.
June 16th, 2010 at 6:50 am
Here in Brazil, we are receiving daily guidance on communication techniques, but all the time I fell surrounded by people with mastery of those techniques but without any content. This book can serve as guidance to concern ourselves much more in developing our content instead of worrying so much about techniques.
June 16th, 2010 at 2:23 pm
All,
Thanks for the comments. Keep em comin'!
Scott
June 16th, 2010 at 8:34 pm
I work with college youth in my church and am always looking for ways to connect. Whether it is in Sunday school class every week or socially – I must connect with them. Without “connecting” the message I need to get across does not get through and influence. I feel like these young people are the future leaders of the church and have grown a sense of apathy. It may have to do with the fact that the church has lost touch with them and they don’t relate. Well, that’s where this book comes in! Hopefully, this book will inspire and instruct the current leaders to keep the connection alive! Thanks for the opportunity…
June 16th, 2010 at 8:41 pm
I am pretty sure I was the first person to comment on this post yesterday but I don't see my comment above so I will give it another try.
Connecting with people is the future. It is no longer enough to just blast or communicate your message in a one-way manner like television advertising. We all have to find the things we care about and craft our message and connect with other people who care about the same thing and change the world.
June 18th, 2010 at 4:41 pm
All,
Thanks again for all the comments. I will reach out to 5 of you today.
Scott
July 4th, 2010 at 2:03 pm
What a wonderful blog! i am delighted to have stumbled across it because of the wonder of Alltop, where I have 2 blogs featured.
I, too, was sent five copies and found the message, written by his writer, to be aimed primarily at speakers and, as a public speaker, I know there is a wide audience for these tips. One believes in Maxwell's intent and Christian values – and in this bottom-up world methinks there are many of us who would rather communicate to collaborate rather than to be led no matter how well-intentioned the would-be leader. We will always need and want instigators of projects and organizations. What we most need to stay relevant and sought-after in this complex, connected world is to hone our top talent and collaborate with individuals (especially those extremely unlike us) around sweet spots of mutual interest/benefit.
July 14th, 2010 at 2:54 am
I think Neil Postman's, 'Amusing Ourselves To Death' (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amusing_Ourselves_to_Death) would provide a great framework for discussion in this extended community! In a world overloaded with poor communication, rehashed ideas and persons who are constantly under pressure to 'have something to say' we have brought ourselves to a precipice. We emulate lemmings throwing themselves over to their death, as our brains have become overloaded with superfluous communication.
Picking up on Naomi's comments, and Kare's presupposition, this flood of communication is often non relational. If we are not careful we can run the risk of drowning out the those who have value. I guess this is why God creates a Spielberg, Scott?
http://www.ethos3.com/2010/06/term-38-spielberg/
July 14th, 2010 at 2:25 pm
Exactly!